Presents Should Include Mayonnaise
by AL19
Summary: Hijikata receives a present from Kyra. But what could it be? *Birthday fic for Toshiro Hijikata*


**I believe this is my first character birthday fic. And I'm glad I did this, because tomorrow is Toshiro's birthday! :) **

* * *

During my break, I decided to walk down the street, where it was, as usual, busy. I wanted to have some peace and quiet, but unfortunately for me, it wasn't quiet, because a very familiar voice as calling my name…loudly.

"TOSHI-GROOOUUUCH!" Kyra shouted from behind me.

I widened my eyes, and quickly turned around, yelling back, "DON'T YELL WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT BEHIND ME! AND DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME! I'M AN OFFICER, SO YOU SHOULD ADDRESS ME AS 'HIJIKATA'!"

The short, violet-haired girl rolled her eyes as she said in a more quiet tone, "Come on, grouch. I wanted to talk to you today."

"Tch," I half-scoffed. "What's there to talk to me about? Are you going to complain about that movie you saw last weekend?" We saw the movie together, but we didn't know we were both seeing it at the same time. Kyra thought it was a coincidence, but I wished she wasn't there at the time.

"What movie?" Kyra asked stupidly.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "It was the new 'Pedero' movie, where the movie screen was suddenly destroyed, and when that happened, you threw popcorn at the screen, and yelled, 'boo'."

"Uh…" Kyra scratched the top of her head with her index finger.

I knitted my brows slightly as I thought, _Is she really that stupid to forget?_

She eventually replied, "Oh, yeah! I remember now! Yeah, you see, even if the theater screen didn't fuck up, the movie still sucked."

"OI!" I shouted without a second thought. "DON'T CALL 'PEDERO' A SUCKY MOVIE! IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIE'S I'VE EVER WATCHED!"

"What? You thought it was great? That piece of shit received controversy, yep!"

"Why're you suddenly saying 'yep' at the end of your sentence?! And do you even know what the word 'controversy' means?!" The movie I saw didn't have anything that was controversial, so I had no idea what Kyra was talking about.

Kyra responded as she lifted up a finger, "Of course I do, Toshi-grouch! It means that it hypnotizes people to kill themselves, yep!"

"NO IT DOES NOT, YOU BRAT! DID YOU JUST MAKE THAT UP?!"

Without any hesitation whatsoever, Kyra responded, "Yes."

I sighed with aggravation, and said while rubbing the bridge of my nose, "Why don't you just leave me alone for one fucking day?"

I turned around, and was about to walk away from the girl, but she exclaimed, "But Toshi! I still wanted to tell you something!"

"Say it quick before I snap," I growled without looking at her.

Kyra said, "I want to give you a present! It's your birthday today, you know!"

There, I widened my eyes, and turned around again, staring at her. Was it really my birthday today? I think I must've forgotten.

She took two big steps in front of me, and put her hand inside the top of her short-skirted kimono. She then pulled a small box out, and exclaimed yet again, "Happy birthday!"

"Who told you about my birthday?" I asked, feeling a little irritated at this. I almost never celebrate my birthday, because I don't want any gifts. And whenever I do get a gift, it's always a bomb.

Kyra answered, "Okita-San did, duh. Anyway, take it!"

"Is it a bomb or any other type of explosive?" I had doubts that this present was going to be a good one.

"No! I swear it's not a bomb! You'll never know what your gift is if you don't open it!"

I hated to admit it, but she was right. You can never tell what's inside the present until you actually open it. And Kyra may not be a person I can trust easily (Well, I almost never trust anyone anyway), but I sighed heavily, and took the small box away from her hands. The box was wrapped in yellow paper with a red tie around it.

I began to unwrap the present by pulling the tie off. I held the tie, but ripped the wrapping paper from the top of the box.

When the lid of the box was exposed, I pulled it off, and as I looked at the actual present, my jaw dropped. My cigarette fell out of my mouth, and landed on the dirt.

My present was…a fucking fundoshi! The fundoshi was yellow, and I grabbed it, holding it in front of my face.

My black brow twitched as Kyra said, "Yep! That's right! I got you a fundoshi! I got the yellow one because it's the same color as mayonnaise! Hahahaha!"

She was laughing hysterically, but I clenched my teeth hard, and growled, "You…motherfucking brat…you dare get me a fundoshi for my birthday?!"

"I was thinking of getting you something more…ahem, _sexual_, but I figured this would do the trick. And I want you to put it on when you get to the headquarters, because I'm going with you, yep!" Kyra pointed at me with a wicked smirk on her face.

A vein throbbed in my throat, and I dropped the gift on the ground. I pulled my sword out, and as a dark aura rose above me, I told her, "I'm gonna kill you!"

She smirked, "Try to catch me, then! BUAHAHAHAHA!" No sooner after she said that, she began to run. I chased her while holding my sword above my head.

I shouted, "KYRA! YOU'RE IN HUGE TROUBLE NOW!"

This was probably the worst gift I've ever gotten from anybody…ever.

* * *

**This is probably the shortest one-shot I've ever written, but I did that on purpose, because there's not much to write when Kyra's giving him a present. And if you don't know what a fundoshi is, I suggest you look for it on Wikipedia. ;)**

**I actually like the pairing of Toshiro x Kyra, despite Kyra's idiotic attitude. XD**

**Well, hope you enjoyed this short one-shot, and again, happy birthday Toshiro-San! :)**


End file.
